Democrats, realizing the success of Obama’s “Cash For Clunkers” tax dollar giveaway program, have revamped a major portion of their Nationalized Government Health Care Plan.
The official program is called the Distribution of Income for Euthanasia, but it is better known as “Cash for Codgers”.
Under this new plan, young couples wishing to procreate an indeterminate lifeform (have a baby), will receive fair compensation based on the age, condition, and the consumption of valuable State resources of any elderly family member who is no longer able to fend for themselves.
The amount of the government rebate will be fixed according to a sliding scale.
Older and more prescription dependent codgers will garner the highest amounts.
Special “Bonuses” will be paid for those submitting codgers in targeted groups, such as smokers, alcohol drinkers, persons 10 pounds over their government prescribed weight, and any member of the Republican Party.
Smaller bonuses will be given for codgers who consume beef, soda, fried foods, potato chips, lattes, whole milk, dairy products, bacon, Brussel sprouts, or Girl Scout Cookies.
Anyone submitting codgers who meet either of these 2 focus groups:
1) over 65, overweight, drinks, smokes, eats meat, and watches FoxNews
2) anyone who requires 24-hour medical care
will have their names placed into a drawing for a FREE lifeform delivery.
As in the Cash for Clunkers program, this program will render all codgers useless for resale or parts harvesting by draining all body fluids from the codger and then putting in a 40% sodium silicate and 60% water mix. The sodium silicate is also known as liquid glass.
A defibrilator will be used to bring the old codger back to consciousness which will force the sodium silicate solution coursing through their veins causing arteries and all internal organs to be shredded by the liquid glass rendering them useless for after-market organ harvesters.
Under the “Cash for Codgers” (aka D.I.E.) program, pulling the plug on old grandma was never so easy, or so rewarding!
cha-CHING!
